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I avoided getting tested a long time, but recently during one of my more sensible phrase I decided I had to know my status.

I think I knew I had HIV, so I waited until I’d finished a two months holiday backpacking around Asia before I got tested. I was right, and now I need to deal with the consequences. I completely blame being off my face on drugs and alcohol for contracting HIV. If I didn’t get so horny and out of it, I’d still be negative. When I’m trashed, my inhibitions seem to go out the window and I get into a mood where I need to have a lot of sex, and being safe is the last thing on my mind.

I don’t know the specific occasion when I contracted HIV, but I’ve no doubt it was in a sauna or a darkroom. I usually only go to saunas after I’ve been clubbing on drugs. I’ve been fucked too many times to remember, and I know in most cases that condoms were never used. Being versatile, I’ve also fucked hundreds of guys- you always hope you’ll be OK, but I guess my behaviour has caught up with me.

Don’t get me wrongly, under normal circumstances, like when I meet guys in bars or on Gaydar, I always carry and use condoms. I thought testing positive would change my behaviour , but I do still go to saunas and darkrooms when I'm twatted , and sometimes I forget to use protection. I feel like an animalistic instinct takes over me. I know I could get infected with another strain of HIV, or I could give HIV to someone the way someone gave it to me, but sometimes I just can’t help myself.

Anyone reading my story should be realise there are probably many more lads like me having sex in saunas who know they are HIV-positive yet forget to play safe. There are also plenty of guys who don’t know their status, as was the case with me until a few weeks ago, so you can never be sure when you’re putting yourself at risk.