What do you think is the biggest obstacle gay men have to finding a boyfriend?
There are three major things that often get in the way of men finding a partner: themselves, their fears, and the expectation many of us have that we can find someone better.
What are some of the most common mistakes men make when looking for a boyfriend?
That they don’t think about who they are as people, what kind of relationship they want, and what they want in a boyfriend. If you ask someone what they want from a car or a cell/mobile phone they can usually give you a long list of the things they require. If you ask someone what they want from a boyfriend they will usually say “I don’t know really, someone nice with nice a good sense of humour”. If you don’t really know what you are looking for, it is much harder to find it.
Is it really possible to ‘look’ for a boyfriend, or is it something that just happens to you when you are ready?
Yes, its possible to ‘look’ for a boyfriend, but you have to be ready for it to happen as well. There is no point moaning that you haven’t got a boyfriend or never meet men you like if all you do is go to work then go home and flop in front of the TV. So its about being ‘ready’ for it to happen in all areas of your life.
More about Relationships and types
Gay men can have a reputation for spending their lives cruising for sex, being single and having lots of casual partners. There are a lot of reasons why guys decide to form relationships. Some guys tire of the casual scene and want something deeper and longer term. Relationships can also provide stability and support.
Gay men don’t necessarily run their sexual and emotional lives along the same lines as straight guys. We tend to be more flexible and open – and perhaps more realistic about relationships and their possibilities. There are also a greater variety of gay relationship – such as open relationships, relationships with more than one guy and so on.
Things to know about Relationships.
Monogamy relationships- If you are in a monogamous relationship and decide you want to ditch the condoms, there’s a lot to think about first. Do you both have the same HIV status? Unless you both came into this relationship as virgins you are better of testing, just to be sure. If you stop using condoms before testing, you could be putting yourself or your partner at risk of HIV or other STIs.
Mixed-status relationships- If you are a negative guy in a mixed-status relationship, try to find out as much as you can about HIV, it’s treatment, how you get it and how not to. Knowledge is power and the more you know the more you will be able to understand what your partner is experiencing and the more confident you will be that you are doing the right thing to avoid getting it yourself.
Open relationships- The most important thing if you are going to have an open relationship is communication. You have to be clear what the rules are and you have to be able to talk about what happens if there is a slip. If you don’t use condoms in your relationship and you have unsafe sex out side your relationship, could you talk to your partner about it? If the answer is no, then maybe you should think about the arrangement again.
Dating your friends ex
22 July 2007-Zambia- He had become not only my best friend but the only person I could discuss gay issues with and that made this friendship so special...more