01 Nov 2006- I’m a 32 year old boy and been in this country for almost 5 years living with my partner. I’m coming from a family that has completely rejected me for my sexuality. I never consider myself having a family except my partner.
But here I’ am in the UK, having lost my Career, Identity, Family and a partner. It’s been tough enough for me to live in this country and realising that I’m unable to get all the help I needed.
When I first came into this country, I started dating a guy who happened to have been my partner for three years. I loved this guy so much that I really never wanted to let go, I did all I could just so as to make him, me and us happy in all ways.
After a while I was about to be deported because I did not have right visa, so I was sent into a detention centre outside London. It was hard for me to cop, I had just started a new relationship and then my status in the country was not good. So it was a lot of stress that I even went through in the detention.
I was in there for about a month and half, I know others would say that not too bad, yes its not, but its what you go through when you are in there, the environment, the people you talk to the way you are locked up and the way they treat you is as the same as the ones that would be there for months and months. But though all that I was granted live to remain.
I ask myself was it worth it to even stay? After I got freed from the centre I went to live with my partner. It was such a nice feeling to find this guy waiting for me and being able to continue were we left from. We had un-protective sex from time to time and I was open about talking about HIV, but we both did not go for an HIV test.
Things were going on well and I started working and I built my life with him. Just about summer time I felt a bit sick, started to feel weak and thought maybe it was because of my work because it was much more physical work. Back home I talked to my partner about HIV before I went to see my doctor and he said to me I would stand by your side no matter what they would find, but then I told him oh no there is nothing to worry about it I’m negative.
That day I was too busy at work and surprisingly my partner had made an appointment for me. When I went in for the check up, my doctor said there was nothing wrong with me, I still insisted that I was feeling sick then I was asked to take an HIV test which I was very comfortable with, so I was told to go back for my results after a week or so. Within that week I discovered so many HIV/AIDS leaflets at home and I asked my partner, he just said they were handed to me in the streets, but I’m not talking about 2 or 3 of them no, they were more than 10 different including the medication leaflets.
The day came that I had to go for my results and I was very calm I did not even think about what they would turn out to be, all I was looking forward was they would ask me for more test because they might not still find anything. I was in for a shock, yeah my results turned out to be positive, I almost collapsed, but I had to call my partner right away and told him the news.
That day I did not know what to do; I thought how could it have been how? My partner was there with me comforting me, I straight away asked him to have a test as well, but then I sat and wondered I explained to him that I did have friends around and I tried to date two guys but I was never around that much if anything I used condoms. For me life immediately changed, that yeah I was meant to visit my partner’s family and meeting my partner’s mum for the first time but I had to counsel everything I was full of guilt I could never face them.
After two day my partner came and told me that he tested positive too, but that is when I got alarmed how did he manage to get his results in two days? But I never wanted to dwell so much on that because I was now thinking how our future would be like living with the virus. My partner was very calm, I asked him if at all he was promiscuous in his past life he said no he was not. So I then realised that I infected him, so how did I get the virus that was now what I had to work on.
Within 6 months I started my medication, and that was really bad because my body system reacted to the medication so I stated missing out on work, eventually I stopped work so as to get a bit used to the medication. My partner said to me he would never be on the treatment because he was seeing how I was reacting to it, so I said it’s a huge choice you have to make to start your medication.
Within two months my partner started telling me that his other friends knew that he was positive, I was upset because I made it clear to him that lets know who to tell about our status. Then I realised there was something he was not telling me, for some reason he knew that the truth had to come out, that night we were dressed to go out to a club, and just like before when we met, so from nowhere he just started talking about himself.
To cut the story short I asked him again about his past life, that’s when he admitted that he was HIV even before he met me, this was the time we were almost going out for clubbing, I sat down in shock, it was a year we had been together and he mentioned nothing. I asked him why he did not tell me when we met the first time, his answer was that everyone he told about his status did not want to associate with him again and they never wanted to date with him again.
It was then that I realised that I was that victim, and it was just too much for me, detention, testing positive to HIV, starting my medication and losing my job and now it was the trust all this happened in a year’s time. I fell into depression, I started seeing a counsellor, tried to commit suicide on two occasions.
I never left him I now started to deal with the whole situations trying to understand him, trying everything I could do to feel we an work out with help from support groups or so, but along the line the month after he told me that his family and his friends knew he was HIV, and he had been on HIV treatment before for 6 months, I don’t know why I’m even still alive to day to even talk about this, it’s the help that I need.
My life completely got shattered, lets not forget that in each and every relationship there are ups and downs, misunderstandings etc, I had that too to look out for, but having had some problems my partner ended up telling me that it was my fault that I got infected because I never asked him to use protection, and that I was not good enough for him anymore.
I later went back to work because I needed to contribute to the society but I still ended up absconding at times, so I was now this person that cleaned for my partner, cooked, paid the bills, and love him to the way he wanted. Talk about being a slave for someone, I lay there like broccoli, he fucked me the way he wanted, he never even gave me that chance that I wanted to take some time to just reflect no, he introduced me to recreational drugs, I don’t get me wrongly this guy was nice at times, but he never asked me how I felt but he now took advantage of me because I knew he was positive and there was nothing he needed to tell me anymore.
I have now known how to have hate inside me, I have lost most of my friends because he never liked me going out to see friends, before I went to see my friends when I had a chance, he would check me, see what under wears I was wearing, asked me why I was shaving, why I really looked nice if I was just meeting a friend, wanted to also know how long I was staying, if I came back home half an hour late and did not inform him then he would say I was fucking around, I became a prisoner in my place, If I met guys that I would try to make friends with on the net, and he found out that’s day he would talk and said all sorts it would be like a crime.
He has blamed me for all sorts of things but all these 3 years I have been with him I have managed to meet his family, I have had a good relation with the especially his mum, I have even gone to see his mum on my own just to have a different environment, so initially I have only been with him for 2 years the first year was based on lies and I never count it but they were moments in that year that were good one thing I will never understand about those good moments is that were they there because he knew he was not honest.
I have now gotten brave enough to go out there and seek help but all the process I’m told that it would take long if I wanted to press charges against him. All this has put me off. But I would like to know what justice this country is doing over cases like mine. Whatever I feel for him, its not hate, it’s the next person after me, what can I do to stop it from happening to another person? I have reached a point where I know my life is all wasted.
I can’t take law into my own hands, all I ask is that, is there anyone that can help me with my case? I had all these things done to me yet I still managed to stay and love him more and more and invested in him. I’m a person that’s go no issues with sexuality, race, or religion, but if I look at what I have gone through, is the same as being a slave, I’m forced to rim him because if I don’t he tells me I m boring in bed, but this is a guy that has genital warts, the next day I went to see my doctor because I did not even know what warts were? Where he got them from I have no clue.
I know some people would find reading this disgusting but that’s what happens in other relationships especially mine, I’m sure it’s not just me alone there are others out there that face the same thing. I don’t think I would ever find anyone that would love me again and if it so happens, what next, Oh sorry I’m HIV?
That’s how much I have closed myself inside me. I have given this report to Africanveil because I came across more of African issues on the website.
Please note that the name of the person in this report has been with-held.